Starting A New

Things can be very confusing sometimes.. but if you come to think of it deeper..
dig into the the deepest structure of such occurence.. fiber by fiber..
you might come up with a clear explanation why things supposed to happen..
but how are you going to do that? how can one ever start the process.. when
there isn't enough foundation..

I can remember myself way back.. saying after i fail.. i won't try again..
After this.. i might as well forget how its like to be in it..
if this will come to an end.. i won't start all over again..
but look at me now.. i've begun packing up..i've started journeying once more..
the road that im heading to might not be as smooth as that of the OLD one..
but atleast.. i've tried.. Who knows, this turn leads me somewhere better..

just some TIME ago, i stopped in the middle of my thinking, and sized myself up..
i caressed my wounds.. felt my cuts AND bruises.. they're still there..
but i think, it doesn't hurt that much anymore.. i pressed them harder..
they have healed i guess.. im drifting away FROM the painful truth OF the past..
slowly.. i'm reaching the end of the stormy sky..
i've come to realize one thing.. there is really such thing as happiness when you convince yourself that there is.. lay some prof.. lay some evidence AND facts that would
make it real.. that will make it TRUE..

Help Me I Am Lost

sometimes i think i have done nothing right.
i kept trying my best but it's never enough..
what am i missing? what am i doing wrong?
living this life is like killing my self each and every day..
my longing for death is getting stronger..
but it scares me twice as much..

i'm tired of wearing this mask..
i am not that strong..
i am not that care-free type like what everybody sees..
i'm weak.. in my day by day life, i am suffering..
i am a prisoner of my own world.
i've been exiled and persecuted by my own self.
my mouth is shut so no one can hear my whalings..
darkness is my constant companion..
my uncertainties is infinite..
it's like looking up the horizon
and looking down to the depths of the sea..
i'm drowning myself into an abyss of melancholy
and am doing nothing to pull it over..

the more i laugh, the more i tear myself into pieces..
and before i get to patch it up,
it's shattered into smaller ones again.
life is delicate.. but mine?
i cant even call it a life anymore..

how can anyone ever enjoy living in this kind of world?
a world full of vipers hanging around.. ready to slay you anytime..
how can anyone love to love.. when in reality loving would end when it ends..
and nothing can stop that..
everybody changes.. everything changes..
because aparently. change is the only constant thing in the world..
and me? i don't think I belong to that everybody..
i'm a thing.. floating in mid air..
in between truth and lies..
in between acceptance and denial..
in between sanity and madness
in between life and death..

i finally figured out the truth about myself..
the truth that I am a lie..

insanity, i may be close to that..
but thank God i'm not giving in..
i am no ordinary.. but i'm not special..
Now I'm confused.. what am I, really?
O help me, i'm lost..

Written Out Of Despair

it's been a long time since the last i held you close to me..
things ain't the same now..
life has been so different since you've walked away..
it's never this cold..
it's never this weary..
it's never this tiresome..
back then, every morning is something to be excited about
because i knew its another new day to celebrate for having you..

now, i don't even know how the daylight looks like..
all i have is darkness..deafening silence..
there's no passing moment i failed to think about you..
about the way we once were..the way we used to be..
i want to cry..as often as i can..

its darn painful, but even though you left, i keep on loving you more..
the only problem is..i don't know how to show it anymore..
or if you would even let me again..
we've been through a lot, and we were able to make it through..
why would you leave me now?

would you ever come back?
would you possibly love me again?

life is supposed to be easier without you..
but why is it that i'm bleeding this hard?
why would i rather want to be with you and suffer?
yes, life would be hard i know, but its better
if we're together again..

i love you so much..i always do..
it has never been less..
in time, if you ever want to come back.
i'll be standing here.. on the same ground

Thoughts of Moving On

This is an article I found online. its not a personal contruction, I just loved the thought so I borrowed it.. Kudos to whoever wrote this.. :)

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO FORGET SOMEONE YOU LOVE. WHAT YOU NEED TO LEARN IS HOW TO ACCEPT THE VERDICT OF REALITY WITHOUT BEING BITTER OR SORRY FOR YOURSELF. YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF GIVING THAT THE DEDICATION AND LOVE TO SOMEONE MORE DESERVING". Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. "IF YOU LOSE LOVE, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE FAILED IN LOVE. CRY IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT MAKE SURE THAT TEARS WASH AWAY THE HURT AND THE BITTERNESS THAT THE PAST LEFT YOU WITH. "THERE IS NO FUTURE IN A RELATIONSHIP OF LIES AND SELFISHNESS". It's true, there is life in love. But, there can still be life even after losing love if you LEAVE the past behind and let your heart HEAL and give you the chance to FIND yourself again.

Love makes us see things through rose-colored glasses. Most of the time,we fail to recognize the danger sign that light up along our way. This feeling you have nurtured for so long isn't healthy anymore. You must realize that you have to let go now before it consumes you and your sanity. There is always a time to think and stop. A time to be sensible and not allow our hearts to rule over our heads. "YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY NOT IN THE ARMS OF A MAN WHO KEEPS YOU WAITING BUT IN THE ARMS OF SOMEONE WHO WILL TAKE YOU NOW AND LOVE YOU FOREVER." If loving a person who is attached to someone else is a crime, then maybe, many of us would have been jailed long before we realize what its consequences could have been.

When we love someone, we never easily give up on that person. Even if we get hurt badly we always try to find a way to ease the pain and learn to understand and forgive. Loving too much doesn't hurt. It is when we expect this love to be reciprocated that we begin to seek approval and acceptance of the things we have done and when we are taken for granted and rejected, we curse the very same love that we once freely and happily offered.

WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT

Look at us.. who would have thought we could get this far.
Who would have thought we could hang on together..
Life is not easy.. rough times.. bumps here and there.. they are all around.
You are surprisingly incredible and one of a kind, 46th months -
You could have spent this with someone.. Better.. far better than I..

We've been together now for such a long time..
I almost forgot how we've managed to hold on through these years..

Remember when we first met? Somewhere out there -
A lonesome place where no one would believe that 2 people could meet-
2 people with different prospectives in life.. 2 people who will build a beautiful story.
Yes... we have made our story.. a very beautiful one worth reading for .
Sweetheart, i hope and pray
That this story - like all others, will end.. but not soon..
not within the next million years..

I love you.. as always..
and i will be loving you for the rest of my years..
I'm there for you... no matter what..
You will always be my hearts desire.. no one else..
So hang on tight.. i know, a lot more bumps, twists and turns are heading our way..
But take my hand.. i won't let go.
We can do this.. i trust you just as you do to me..

Some Note..

Just last night you sat beside me..i held you near..
it felt so good having you around and feeling the warmth of your embrace..
I could have said so much but words elude me..
i may have pass the chance to tell you how much you mean to me..
i might have miss showing you how much i care..
but deep inside..i know and i am certain that it is there..

many times i wonder if you do feel the same way..
of course you don't..not as much as i do..
but it doesn't matter..what's important is..
you are giving a damn..you are crossing your extent
for the sake of this relationship and i very much appreciate that..

i never fail to notice..not even a single moment how hard you always try..
you've done your best to make things work.
it can be so simple it can be so small..
every little thing counts..so don't ever wonder
and don't ever feel bad if i don't seem to recognize them..
I swear I do but you know that I am a person of few words..
i want you to know even if i rarely speak about it.. i keep them in my heart.. these are the reasons why i look forward to having the day done..
so i can be with you again..

Message To The Special One

I love it when you smile..
Your lovely eyes..the power of your personality.. it consumes the whole me..
I lost all the words.. I cannot define it.. I cannot even describe it..

You make me feel so special.. you make me feel like I'm no ordinary..
Your love, so intense yet so warm, it soothes my mind
I don't want to be away from you.. I dont want to lose you..
Please let me feel secure..
There will be some rough times, I know, but don't make that a reason to leave..
stay with me.. take away everything.. everything but you..
Because I can't see any more reason why I want to face another morning and why I have to go on..

don't ever go.. iloveyou.

Hidden Testimony

I have been through a lot of lies in my life
lies that i kept hiding so others won't see..
I've established a name so others can look up at me..
but i am not what they think i am..
i am just a weak, inept, lonesome person, concealing the real me
behind the shadow of that someone they used to know.
people are blinded by my laughs.. by my jokes..by my silly moves

they never realized...

loneliness deep w/n my eyes have been covered by the good delivery of my acts.
others have been tricked by the smooth gestures i show..

and there, the faint light of discovery once again vanishes in thin air..

i've been searching for answers to all my confussions and questions..
I've been wanting to end all doubts in my mind.
but the knowledge acquired from mortal intelligence
has always been useless..

i am a nobody..
i am trapped on this sinking sand.. every move i make nails me deeper..
my soul is in deep agony..
the torturous reality sores my entire personality..
there's nothing left for me to keep moving on.. nothing else but my heart..
my broken and bruised heart..
I have a lot more love to give,
more than willing to share..
but noone seems to want it.. a very sad reality..

twice i have tried.. twice i have failed
now this heart is once again been swept away..
i cannot promise you that i will be the best,
but i can love you the way i am supposed to
I will love you in the best way i know..
and in the best possible way i can