She Is In Pain

Seeing you lying there made my heart bleed and torn into million pieces. I helplessly stared at you as I couldn't take even a portion of what you have to bear. All I wanted was to hold you and tell you I am here, that everything will be fine, but... I couldn't.. all eyes were on you and I don't want to create a scene. You manifested vigor, but I knew deep within you were in pain. I wish I had the power to partake of the discomfort or to simply extinguish it all at once. I was the first to see you on that bed after you were taken out of the recovery room. I was certain I had a good sleep the other night and i was strong physically, but my knees shook as I saw the looks of you half awake with the tears flowing from your eyes. I came by, watched you being settled in the room, but I couldn't hold it. It was involuntary, my eyes were welling so I left... I guess I could never stand seeing you on that state again. I pray, and I'm begging the heavens to possibly keep you away from any surgeries in the future. It was excruciating.

Please take care. I can't be physically near you at the most so I am appointing you to watch over yourself for me.. I am bestowing you the tenancy and the right to do what's right. In time, you'll be with me and you'll have to turn it over.

Eifersucht

How does this work? What is this stuff? This is a very strong feeling that could overwhelm ones mind and heart which can lead to doing either silly, stupid, dangerous things or combination of all these. Why do people get jealous? One starts to get jealous when one sees someone with something that they dont have or possibly something that ones have but is given to someone the same manner and shouldnt be. Beauty, friends, personality, money, power, intelligence, love name it. Could it be in general? Are all these, most people's reason why they feel this insanely adamant feeling? I get jealous, I am on a very high level of this kind. I get jealous not necessarily on material things. Attention - yes I get terribly jealous for attention especially when it comes to the person I love. When I say I own it, I feel like I should be the only person who deserves it. When my better half treats someone similar or close to how she does to me, it is totally disconcerting. I know no reason, my mind repels any sort of explanation. Its sad and disturbing that I have to feel this way. Shame on me that I even get jealous with my own friend. Its not right but I cant get over it. I cant find a way through it. I am furious to myself and frustrated at the same time. I say its ok but hell no.. :( I'd say I understand but I can't, espcecially when I dont get the acknowledgement I want, or if the ackowledgement gives no assurance that it wont happen again, it makes me melancholic. I cant keep someone for myself though, right? Even if I call her my own, It doesnt give me the freedom or right to make any restrictions on her doing what she pleases and thinks is a necessity, its a part of her, its her nature.. its her life.. at the end of the day it is still what she wants and needs that matter the most. I can't put her in a cage or put a wall around her as it defeats free will..I don't want her to change anything just to live up to my expectations and wants. Its my problem I have to deal with it.