Profound

What the hell does the word PROFOUND mean?

Well, this is what the dictionary says: PROFOUND - penetrating or entering deeply into subjects of thoughts or knowledge. Having a deep insight or understanding. blah blah blah!

When someone is profound, does it necessarily mean one has an EXTRAORDINARY INTELLIGENCE? I am not convince...

I have this girl. whom I really love, so much. I have known her from a social networking site called.. Nevermind.. She is smart, straightforward, sweet and super nice. Haha! it's crazy but she got me with her first hello. In just a couple of days, the love I have grew very hastily, I can barely contain it. We texted, we chat until one day, I can hold it back nomore. I told her I like her, o no.. I even told her I love her. It wasn't a lie, it was all real.. Back then, she was a bit messed up, rather IMMENSELY MESSED UP! She loved someone,  truly, madly, deeply (whatever the hell you call it), who somehow loved her too(I guess) but not as much as she does... During those times, she just realized(unfortunately) what a fool she had become, and was trying to move on.. There wasn't a break up, because there was no commitment? There was no "THEM"... so be it. She told me she liked me too, but all her answers were uncertain, no solid ground, unstable. Patience is not my virtue, I wasn't gonna sit around and wait until she finds out who and what she really wanted, besides, other than saying she liked me, she didn't make me feel special, or different from people she knows, so I tried to moved on.. tried to look for some diversion, only to find myself lost.. a lot more disorinted than ever.. plus, more complications came along.. Me, in a relationship, caught up with a second but wishing to have the other one.. Polygamous war is the simplest term. A week or two passed by, still can't convince myself to give up.. I still yearn for her. I gathered myself, tried to put back myself together, talked to her again but this time no expectations or intentions for anything, just friendship. I told her how I have jumped(the term we make up for a relationship), more than I'm supposed to. I thought she'd be suprised, but I was wrong... It was me who got surprised, because now she has two! I was dishearted.. Why?! Why didn't she pick me? Am I not really her type??

Busy days went along.. I rarely get a good sleep or rest. I overwhelmed myself with other stuff to extinguish the passion and to forget the resentment I have. Surprisingly, an interesting twist happened. For some inscrutable reason, she told me she has feelings for me.. that she loves me too. That doesn't mean there is an "US" and did not change the fact that she she still got two.

I thought, I would be fine with the way things weregoing. I did not expect that I'll be wanting her more, and even wanted her for myself exlcusively. Now she left the first but still she has the second. It was hard for her to let go despite the fact that it was causing life's worse than good.. I listened, comforted her as much as I can. Im not sure but this is causing her sorrow. How I wish I could do something but I can't figure out how if she wont even commense anything to make things between us right. She adores the second regardless of all the pain.. It hurts to see her that way, the person I care the most, being distressed by someone who doesn't even deserve her.. Eventually, after a huge undertakings, she managed to let this person go.. and atlast she's mine, mine alone..

Now as I put this into writtings, she is still in a heap of remorse brought about by the last break up. I'm trying to reason it out.. I'm trying to justify it.. because somehow I can relate to the situation.. But why am I uneasy? an exasperation.. A feeling worked so hard to disguise, but somehow it still manifest. I'm undeniably agitated.. :(

PROFOUND mind - a bitchy mind that keeps annoying me..

Accidents Do Happen Sometimes

I'm losing track of time. Days are my nights, and nights are my days. I spend a lot of time infront of my computer browsing and playing all sort of games. I realized, I've never been productive this entire time.. LAZY BONE, lets call it that way.

I'm freakin' 27 years old.. no plans..no goals.. Am stuck in this so called COMFORT ZONE..

I go to work.. get my paycheck.. spend it all.. go to work.. wait for another paycheck..
etc etc.. it goes on and on and on in a circle.. Five years... I tried to be good.. but it made me dull.. Now, just took a risky act and went the other way of the cross road.. Known couple of people, had a relationship or two.. and I became more screwed. PERFECT!!

And then.... there's magic... I met you...

What an amazing feeling and so gratifying to finaly breathe a fresh breeze.. I was into deep, and its like coming out of the water.. A hand, yes a hand pulled me out from this turmoil and suddenly I have my life back..

LIFE.. it continues to amaze me...

Learning The Hard Way

A happy kid, that's what I am.
Serious matters in life I ponder, but I don't get them in my nerves.
I joke.. I play.. I fool around..
I make my self as funny as I can possibly be..but that ain't good.

I realized... even the simplest joke could backfire on me..
And the result is not at all close to simplicity.
Heavy heart, wondering soul..
Cut so deep, it bleeds endlessly.

You say it's ok, but that scar that I caused..
left tangled within my thoughts..
I can't let it go..
Coz hurting you or offending you is the last thing I want to do..

You said you are happy.. but I think I made you sad..
If there is, at all, something I may offer to do
Its to bear the pain and allow it to grow.
Let it torment my being and crash my spirit

Let alone a deep sigh..
let it out..
breathe...let it to cause a cure...