Meet and Greet

So how was it? Meeting the person I despised all these years? Well, I can say it wasn't all that bad. In fact I felt better after.  Peace of mind, I guess? The level of anxiety is now close to nothing. Not fully gone but at least I don't feel the same kind of resentment anymore. I still wanted though to pick a baseball bat and beat her ass up! Anyway, modesty aside, she is amusing, that must have been one of the reasons why The other half got so hooked with her. She is the kind of person who can talk for an hour without getting tired. Made me laugh a dozen times and I give her that credit(I am easily pleased with anything just for the record). The only part that I hated was when they hugged each other, that was awkward. I didn't know how to react. I felt a tiny jolt. But I can't be mad, we were at her territory. And besides, I am a peace-loving creature. I wondered how The other half felt about her now. I asked and I was told there was nothing, nothing anymore. It better be.. I guess that will not be the last of it. I am certain will see each other again. Maybe. I still am not comfortable with the idea of them going out together though. I still can't say yes for sure.

Second Thoughts

I was all set. Super excited to move to a different level of phone technology. I've been a user of blackberry phone for some 1 year now. Recently, I have fantasized the new(well not so new) Blackberry 9900. I love the style, the sleek design and totality of the outer core. Its brushed stainless steel accent, battery cover lined by black matte plastic with a slightly rubbery finish for a tighter grip, and lightweight at 10.5 mm thick (not a feather-like, but not how you expect a blackberry would be). Its gorgeous, I can literally drool. As many says, it's the Canadian-based phone maker's(RIM) flagship. This bold offers a cutting-edge tech, highest specs so far from all other phones the company released. 1.2 GHz QC processor, 5 Mega Pixels camera with LED flash. 8GB internal memory(up to 32GB via external memory card).. not anywhere near the zooming specification of iPhone or the new Android phones, but its more than what is expected blackberry can come up with. Besides, a user just like me coming from this old junky Curve 8310, this is sensational, let alone I am a blackberry fanatic. :)

Dilemma: The phone is pricey, the current offer is Php 27,800 at the least. Like what I said, I was all set, but there is a very thin line between me going for it or backing out. For just a little tiny bit of hint of objection or the likes, I flip. I can get the resources in no time, the only problem is.. now I'm undecided. I think.. maybe.. I'll pass..

It's Over and It's Ok

As I was turning my house up side down, I happen to stumble on an old Philippine Daily Inquirer page, dated February 21, 2007, an old stuff  I never realized I've been keeping all these years.. Love the Articles on it..  Being a pack-rat isn't bad after all...

CLOSURE CAN MEAN A LOT OF THINGS IN PHILOSOPHY AND MATH. BUT AS FAR AS ROMANCE IS CONCERNED, CLOSURE IS THE RIGHT WORD FOR THE COMPLETE CONCLUSION OF RELATIONSHIP.

          It is that distinct sense of freedom from all the grudges, bitterness and resentment that a bad breakup may have brought. Closure is also a freedom from wishful thinking, false hopes and incessant novenas for the loved one to come back. Simply put, when you've found closure, it means you know it's over, and it's just okay that way.

          The question is: When do you say "It's over and it's okay?"

A normal person won't be happy to end a relationship that's been part of his/her life, especially if the relationship has lasted for a significant length of time. Still, it does not mean that no normal person would end a relationship. In fact, a mentally sound person would know when a relationship should come to an end.

          Following are some of the possible scenario that can lead to a breakup (not in order): lack of common interests, infidelity, boredom, pride, selfishness, arrogance, insensitivity, the presence of a third party, etc. Some relationships overcome, some try to overcome; but not every relationship can overcome these issues.

          Let's face it: Everybody wants something more-especially if he or she ends up with people who are used to giving less than what they can actually give.

          Once the stage of being blindly in love is over and all the romantic issues are exposed, it becomes increasingly more difficult to stay, especially when things just get worse day by day. (Sometimes, they don't really get worse; they just become more obvious).

Then once the limit for overcoming is met, the breakup happens, If you've been aroud, or have friends who have been around, you'll know for sure that breakups never just happen. A breakup is always the end result of a series of unpleasant events. Falling out of love is merely one of these unpleasant occurences.

          An ideal breakup, one partner says it's over, and the other agees and even feels relieved that the breakup need not come from him/her, or that finally, the breakup happened before the relationship got any deeper or more serious.

Annie Reeds' (Meg Ryan) breakup with her fiance in "Sleepless in Seattle" is classic example of a clean, smooth and ideal breakup. Minutes after breaking up with the guy she can't afford to marry,she's with Sam Baldwin (Tom Hanks) and they are free to start a new relationship without fear of being stalked, threatened, humiliated or cursed.

We all wish every breakup is like that. But not everyone finds closure fast and easy especially when there are no Sam Baldwin or Annie Reeds meeting on top of the Empire State Building. Enough about the movies! In real life, closure does not come easily to everyone. This is because not everyone understands why breakups need to happen.

          In a funny way, even with a list of thousand reasons for breakup, the other party would still think that the issues could be worked out. This is tricky, because once you hear the reason leading to breakup, it should be quite evident that your loved one is unhappy with you. And once you start coming up with a rebuttal, it only means you're making an argument, not to save the relationship, but to prove you're right. On one hand, it's good to "fight" for your love. On the other hand, what would you be fighting for if the other person has decided to move on? Where is the "love" in that person?

DIFFERENT MARKS

          I've seen people who found it hard to let go because they thought the reasons given to them were lame and irrational. They try to argue back without realizing that the reason were only the lame and irrational to them because they are looking at their relationship in different ways. They are not on the same page. They're going on different directions. They are not aiming for the same marks. Therefore, it does not make sense for them to continue on a journey together.

Who is the "third party"? The androgynous character is so notorious character is so notorious for breaking up a lot of relationships. Poor Third Party, even when you're not the real reason, others would still put the blame on you, not getting that you won't be in the scene without much help from the first or second party.

          People just give you too much credit because you're easier to blame. In "My Best Friend's Wedding", Julianne Potter (Julia Roberts) couldn't let go of Michael O'neal (Dermot Mulroney) who was getting married to someone he just met. So with much conviction, she told her gay friend George (Rupert Everett), "I can make him happier than her." To which George replied, "Is this about winning?"

Unfortunately, it is so easy to forget that love is not about winning, or comparing yourself to anyone whom you're love interest has chosen to marry. Love is always about giving and setting free.

          You can wallow over broken heart all your life. Or, you can just begin to live with the fact that your relationship may be over but your life is not, and at the rate the population is increasing on this planet, there's a good chance you'll meet someone new and begin a new relationship.

          Form your own closure by accepting that it's over and love is not about winning. It's always about the journey.

Again, question: When do you say that "It's over and it's okay?"

Answer: Whenever you're willing and ready. (Keep saying you're not, and you never will be.)

by: Arlene Paredes

Philippine Daily Inquirer

February 21, 2007

In Just One Snap... Just Like That

That feeling when you get all lively, perky, joyful, giggly, enthusiastic.. one snap.. and almost instantly, these excitements are gone. withheld.. halted.. It was like a metal on a furnace treated prematurely and plunged into a frozen sea.. It should have been forged to perfection but the end result.. a broken sword.

Our failure to recognize the real intention of our action is mostly the cause of our argument. My stubbornness, wrong choices of words and how I lack the capability to present my side of story get into your nerves. I know you try to understand but its not everyday that you are at your best. Your mood swings and you may be a little bit short tempered sometimes.. These and some other small details make the totality of our rare emotional fiasco.

Whenever we get into some disagreement, our differences become evident. But in one way or another, we are heading to the same point and that is enough to make me believe that behind all these unlikeness, we still have a lot more things in common. That I know, is what's holding us together, and... The love which brought us to where we are at right now.

(don't forget, we can only fight once every month.. that deal is still on)

What More Can I Ask For?

Sweetness of A Long Distance Lover

This long distance relationship, as how I have known, was as bad as hell, but I realized it isn't, really. Being apart gave us room to test our dedication. It made us grow and deepen the feelings and helped us learn how to handle situations out of the ordinary. We are young at heart, playful and childish in so many ways, but we are old for our ages and mature enough to see through the complexity of a lot of things. We don't really have much of a serious conversations but we have been able to talk things through when it gets rough. We understand each other, or atleast, that's what we've always been trying to do even if at times we can't. We have some contradicting ideas that has caused our once in a while disputes, but that's what complements us right? I guess..

I never wished to have a perfect relationship or a perfect partner. I don't need someone who will agree to all my ways and just say yes when it should be a no. I needed somebody who disagrees and can stand for it. Someone who can show me I'm wrong in a good way. Someone who can point out my flaws and negativities but will understand. Someone who doesn't look at me superficially but sees the beauty within. Somebody who can manage to hold my hand after the pain and tears from a fight and can still say "I love you.. regardless". And finally, a person who'll never leave my side when time comes that I don't have anything else to give.

Do I still need to continue wishing? Do I keep searching? Nah.. I have her here.. It's all right here.. I've got all I needed, I've got all I wanted.. I can't ask for more.  

My Valentine Intricacy

I'm not really good at picking out gifts, don't have a creative mind to come up with any ideas for special occassions. February, month of love, my mind is whirling badly anxious of what I can possibly do or give to my other half (especially she's miles away).

Nuninuninu.. "too late to make a personalized valentine card, it's a shame if she ends up receiving it on Easter.." (think think think.. research online).. "aha!! what about cake, cookies, sweets.. argh!! she's diabetic" (browse online for sugar-free cake/cookies delivery) "there! I found one.. "SEND SUGAR FREE CAKE ANYWHERE IN THE US - from Pakistan!" come on! seriously!? grrrr.." I was stuck, the 14th is as close as, 1+13, yeah 14 days before Valentine's day(how hard is that?) What am I gonna do now? For sure she wouldn't mind a simple "Happy Valentine's Day dear!! greeting" NO!! I want something special, it doesn't need to be the best but atleast special. O heavens I need a hand here? Kindly?" Like a flickering and nearly dying bulb, "FLOWERS" suddenly popped up..yeah! She's not a big fan of flowers.. but what the h***. I'll try my luck..

There's a lot of online florist - the hardest part is choosing which one is going to deliver what I expect a flower would be. For God knows how many more days I spent, reading blogs, checking reviews, customers comments. It seems, nearly all of them are disatisfied with the service and products they got.  It started to buffle me. Well, this is the only way. I successfully convinced my self to believe in a saying that goes "you cannot please everyone" so I continued. I am not a flower lover either but the pictures on the web were too fascinating. Just one more look, and I made up my mind.  I focused on one florist's website www.proflowers.com, still I had a humongous challenge.. "what flower should I give?". Oh, this is endless. Another day or two -flipping the webpages, downloading the pictures comparing the products.. Ok, lets get this over with! I finally placed an order for this Peruvian Lilies called 200 Blooms of Love, they're beautiful! Probem is it's just a photograph, anything can be done to make it look good (echoing in my head are the ranting disappointed customers).  Despite of all this, I took my chances. February 9th, everything is set - 200 Blooms of Love with Ruby Gathering(that's what the vase's called) to be delivered on the 13th, Monday. I've had it sent to her workplace(how I got the address? its a different story).

Delivery date, I was so excited and nervous at the same time, will my flowers find their way? Unexpected twist, she took a day off, she wasn't feeling well or was too tired after all the works last week(unfortunately she needed to work on the weekends). I almost lost my hopes. Night came, I saw a box on her bed, my spirit was lifted, the delivery was a success!! cheers to that! :) She silently and carefully unboxed it, arranged them in the vase - her smile, the smile on her face made everything worth it. My heart almost dance with gladness.

This is how it looked like out of the box

Second day, it started to bud and they're more alive.

Third, they're becoming more and more beautiful.

Fully bloomed on the fourth day.

Still blooming on its sixth.

Ninth day and it's still a beauty

This is the 200 Blooms of Love on its 11th day. Isn't it amazing?

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I really can't describe how happy I was and still am whenever I see the flowers in your room, blooming. I know in time, they will wither and you have to throw them away, but I will never forget how these flowers gave you a glow and painted a smile on your face. I am grateful that even if it's that simple, you aprreciated and loved it. I love you and thank you.
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'til the next one. :)

Love.. what a wonder

When you ask an individual "why do you love him/her" or "how do you know you love that person" you will end up getting the answer "uhm.. well.." or "I just know".. Oftentimes, you really can't get a straight answer... I too will fail if I am to be asked. Rarely(or not at all) can one describe how it feels like to be inloved.. You know its there but the moment you start putting it to words, it just never feel right. That feeling when your heart beats differently everytime you hear the name or whenever the person is near.. It's that glow in your eyes that can illuminate the whole world for seeing one single sweet smile.. its that chill and shiver (in a good way) brought by a thousand bolts of lightning when you touch.. its that warmth and comfort  when you two hug.. its the aroma of the kiss that is more intoxicating than whiskey.. its that calmness deep within that puts you in equilibrium like every piece finding its own place in a puzzle.. What an amazing and wondrous feeling.

When you find your true love, you can't see any other ray of light besides the one that leads you to this person. When you find your true love, you find your home.. your contentment.. your everything.. You'll realize that even if your life is not the best in this world, you'll feel the inner joy.. the eternal satisfaction.Once you find this soul, there is nothing you want to do but to continue living, grow old with him/her.. give all your love.. until you both shall live.

I Miss You..

          You looked so near, yet I cannot hold you. I can't feel your warmth.. I can't smell your scent.. I miss you..

          Staring at you this close on my screen without being able to embrace you torments me. But, it won't be long my love. Just another six months and you will be with me for good. We won't need to count anymore days, because everyday will become our day. For me, this time around is harder.. worse than I ever thought. But how diffucult is it to wait? I managed to make it through the first half, no reasons why I couldn't for the second. 

          Your silence is deafening. I don't know what's on your mind. Just the same, we don't really talk about our emotions.. We relay them in this manner.. chat.. text. Would you be very kind to tell me what you're thinking of? Things that bother you this very moment? You tried to smile.. but those eyes.. baby they are the window to your very soul. They project the grief and anxiety you have inside - I can see it.. :( How I wish I could do something. How I wish I could give a light to your darkened spirit.. but **SIGH** the lamp of my being isn't that bright to give you illumination. Please.. please find your self.. find your comfort and look forward to the end of this.. can you see that glow from a distance? that's the end of the tunnel.. we're almost there love.. this one year is almost over. just hold on tight.. hold my hands.. we will finish this chapter of our lives...

I Call Me The Blessed

          I am a plain and simple person. I don't ask much. I am contented with whatever there is. Thankful for every little thing that I find a blessing(may it be good or bad). I became older yesterday but for a consolation, you still are older than I am. And that is a fact that we will continue to live on for the rest of our lives.

          Allow me to say thank you. Thank you for making this the grandest birthday I ever had. Lucky is the word, but I would rather call me "THE BLESSED". Why? I have everything I needed.. I have everything I wanted for my special day. I know its a challenge for a family oriented  person just like you to trade special occasions - Christmas or New Year for a lesser significant one like my birthday. But that's what you did! You set aside the chance to be united with your love ones and have chosen to be with me instead. (my birthday isn't lesser significant after all)

          I couldn't thank you enough for going through all the troubles. I know you are tired,all the travels and other stuff but you didn't mind. You're supposed to be resting or be with your kins but you went the other way and gave a room for us to be together. You have no idea how wonderful it is, how great the feeling is for each moment that you're with me. Just the time alone.. ITS PRICELESS.. A gift that isn't comparable to anything. How I wish I can give you back all the joy and happiness you're giving. But I cannot. All I can do is pray and hope that God will handle it for me. Baby.. you make me feel like I'm the most blessed life-form on earth. I couldn't ask for more.. Eveything.. anything you give and do to me is a perfection.. You are the life of my life.. the breath that I breathe.. the water that sustains me. You are my world. my balance.. my infinity, my very own definition. my fulfillment.. I love you with every beat of my heart.. with all my heart... with all my soul. Please don't ever change.. Please don't ever leave me, if you possibly can?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.. :)