Today is our third year anniversary. Am I happy? I surely am. How's everything going? I think it's great.. I think.. I can only speak for myself of course. I suddenly had the urge of reading articles about ways to know if your relationship is failing, a good read and good basis for a hit check, makes me count how many of these signs I am familiar with or if there is anything at all. Article below is from:
http://www.connectingsingles.com/article517/9-signs-your-relationship-is-over.htm
1) You no longer feel as though you genuinely like your partner:
There are many different signs that you no longer like your partner’s personality or their contributions to your life. Perhaps spending time with them has become a burdensome bore to you, or when you think about them you have stopped smiling and feeling a warm glow of affection. You might find every little thing that they do to be deeply annoying rather than endearing, and you may find that even the sound of their voice has started to grate on you. If any of this sounds familiar, it is highly likely that you no longer even enjoy your partner’s personality and companionship at the level of friendship (let alone romance).
2) Talking about the future feels awkward and forced:
Planning for your future should be exciting and should fill you both with hope. If talking about where you will be in a few years makes one or both of you feel uneasy and sad, this is probably because of a shared sense that the relationship should not or will not exist in a few years. Similarly, if imagining staying together makes you feel dread and depression rather than a sense of optimism, perhaps your feelings of love have been worn down by the relationship’s superficiality or by constant interpersonal struggles. It is also worth noting that if you cannot even picture a future with your partner at all, this is probably an indicator that you’re aware of how incompatible your long-term desires and needs really are.
3) You or your partner are developing feelings for other people:
While it is common to fleetingly notice other attractive people while in a serious relationship, if you are capable of developing genuine feelings for someone other than your partner then this is a sign that something is seriously wrong between the two of you. You have started to devote your resources, your time and your fantasies to someone new. In some cases, a relationship can recover from this if the person with the crush is willing to physically and mentally distance themselves from the object of their affections. However, sometimes the emotional betrayal felt by the other partner is too much to bear, and the relationship is bound to end whether the crush is unrequited or not.
4) You aren't communicating:
You probably talked to each other all the time when you first got together. You will have discussed very deep personal issues, family relationships, dreams and fears. If you find that conversation between you is now stilted, very shallow, or solely focused on practical concerns (e.g. who should take out the trash), this means that you are no longer as close to each other as you once were.
5) You feel envious when you see other couples:
When you are around happy couples, you should feel pleased for them and also be able to recognize your own behaviors in the way they show affection and respect to one another. If you find that you are feeling jealousy and discomfort instead, this is a reliable indicator that you are extremely dissatisfied with your own relationship. If you are wishing that you had what other couples have or are yearning to be treated the way that other people treat each other, you are not truly happy with your own partner any more.
6) One of you has cheated:
Few relationships can survive infidelity. If one half of the couple feels the urge to cheat and is not deterred by the fact that it would hurt their partner, it is highly unlikely that the person is genuinely in love. Even if the infidelity is forgiven and satisfactorily explained, the innocent party in the relationship will find it very hard to get over the sense of betrayal and the lingering trust problems.
7) You are constantly fighting:
Fighting is normal in any close personal relationship. However, if you spend more time arguing than having fun, this is a sign that something is fundamentally wrong with your relationship. It is particularly worrying if the fighting mainly takes the form of mean jibes designed to hurt each other, and if you do not put in the time and effort required to really get to the bottom of what is causing your fights. If you do not have the energy to reach genuine resolutions, it is likely that you no longer care about the relationship’s survival to the extent that you once did.
8) Your sex life is limited or non-existent:
Unless there are known causes that have nothing to do with your relationship, a lack of sex is a significant warning sign. You should be particularly concerned if you no longer feel sexual desire for your partner, or if they react to your sexual overtures by looking nonplussed and making thin excuses to abstain from making love.
9) You no longer miss one another when you are apart:
It is normal and healthy to enjoy time alone and to enjoy spending time with friends or family. However, if you spend substantial amounts of time away from your partner then you should slowly begin to strongly miss their presence. If you find that you are indifferent (or, worse, relieved) when you are not with your partner, this should tell you that you do not enjoy their company or their affection as much as would be ideal.
Arguably, the most important of the above signs that your relationship is over is a sense that you no longer even genuinely like your partner as a person. It is hard (if not impossible) to come back from such a profound emotional transition. However, if it is one (or some) of the other nine signs that sound familiar to you, it may be that all is not yet lost. A relationship counselor can coach you through trying to recover your old bond and help you to remember the reasons why you fell in love. It is important to know when to keep fighting for something that is worthwhile, but it is also vital to know when to cut your losses and walk away.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Friday, July 26, 2013
Know When It's Time To Let Go
Whether you're currently in relationship, good.. bad.. or once were... something here might be applicable to you..
All these years, you've been trying to rebuild a so called "Beautiful Love Story"... "Enchanting!!" "Magical!!" yada yada yada. Unfortunately, looking at each and every angle, it's obviously failing. Stubborn as you are, you find ways.. patch things up.. Voila! it appears to be good again.. on and on that cycle goes. How many times have you devoured your pride just to avoid a fight?? How much more tears will you shed before accepting the fact that you have fooled yourself enough? When will you realize, that aside from your other half, you are human too and can get badly wounded in the process. This is insanity, don't you think? "Doing the exact same thing over and over expecting a different result.." If you know, in your heart, that you've done your part, as religiously as it can possibly be, let go. Life is too wonderful and too short to be wasted in a preposterous union. I couldn't agree more that "Love is giving without expecting anything in return". But isn't love more amazing and real if it is mutual? In a relationship, when one stops to care and ceases to complement the other, everything starts to fall apart. By all means, you have every right to save it, but if you are the only one left fighting..you should know that it's time...
So you want another chance?(You just can't get enough, can you?) You want to push your luck? You want to figure out what you've done wrong? Let me ask you this, what more can you possibly do differently when you've already given your all? You've given the whole yard instead of half. You got your heart broken one to many times. You went through hell and back. If you could only sell your soul, I bet you already did! Do you think you deserve this? You might be the perfect partner and the best in everything, but you cannot make someone love back you once they decided to stop. You can't ask them to stay when all they wanted is to go. They don't want to be with you anymore, that simple. Spare your self from a greater damage. You see, while you are too busy trying to break-in to that fully sealed window of your failed relationship, you might be missing a door widely open waiting for you, a door to your real happiness.
It is true, we are in a relationship because we want to love and be loved (most cases). One other common reason is, we are afraid to be alone, so we seek refuge from another individual. Whatever the case maybe, the moment we enter into this stage in life, we have to maintain the balance. No matter how crazily in love we are, we shouldn't let ourselves be confined behind the shadow of the other person, or be bossed around to the extent of losing our identity. When we decide to invest all that we have in a relationship, we should always make sure that the price is all worth it. Not that we are expecting things to be reciprocated, but what's the point of being into it if we can't enjoy the benefit? Really and truly I do believe there's nothing wrong in giving everything we have, it's our choice. However, leaving nothing to ourselves is not right either. Besides, once our partner leaves us, we have no one other than ourselves. Always remember, we are our only ally. Lucky to those who can stand the test of time, that, I can say is true love crafted and molded by two souls bound to be together for the rest of their lives.
NOW MOVE ON.. Don't be afraid to give up your comfort zone(your "safety net" as per my partner in crime). Easier said than done eh? Well if you start learning to love yourself more and to think of the "me" first before others, you'll realize that it isn't that hard. Learn to say no once in a while when you think its appropriate. Don't try to please everyone because you never can. You were never born to live up to anyone's expectations. Most importantly, you don't need anyone's approval, do whatever you think is right, and if it turns out the other way around, then stand on your ground.That's your decision, that's your life. Find happiness, not from someone else, find it in you. You are a wonderful creation, appreciate the beauty and power you possess. Be contented of what you have and drop the unnecessary baggage you are carrying. If you feel your other half is just another heavy load dragging you down and taking up space in your life, or worse wasting your time, let him/her go.. Be free! When it's due, new love will find its way home to you.
All these years, you've been trying to rebuild a so called "Beautiful Love Story"... "Enchanting!!" "Magical!!" yada yada yada. Unfortunately, looking at each and every angle, it's obviously failing. Stubborn as you are, you find ways.. patch things up.. Voila! it appears to be good again.. on and on that cycle goes. How many times have you devoured your pride just to avoid a fight?? How much more tears will you shed before accepting the fact that you have fooled yourself enough? When will you realize, that aside from your other half, you are human too and can get badly wounded in the process. This is insanity, don't you think? "Doing the exact same thing over and over expecting a different result.." If you know, in your heart, that you've done your part, as religiously as it can possibly be, let go. Life is too wonderful and too short to be wasted in a preposterous union. I couldn't agree more that "Love is giving without expecting anything in return". But isn't love more amazing and real if it is mutual? In a relationship, when one stops to care and ceases to complement the other, everything starts to fall apart. By all means, you have every right to save it, but if you are the only one left fighting..you should know that it's time...
So you want another chance?(You just can't get enough, can you?) You want to push your luck? You want to figure out what you've done wrong? Let me ask you this, what more can you possibly do differently when you've already given your all? You've given the whole yard instead of half. You got your heart broken one to many times. You went through hell and back. If you could only sell your soul, I bet you already did! Do you think you deserve this? You might be the perfect partner and the best in everything, but you cannot make someone love back you once they decided to stop. You can't ask them to stay when all they wanted is to go. They don't want to be with you anymore, that simple. Spare your self from a greater damage. You see, while you are too busy trying to break-in to that fully sealed window of your failed relationship, you might be missing a door widely open waiting for you, a door to your real happiness.
It is true, we are in a relationship because we want to love and be loved (most cases). One other common reason is, we are afraid to be alone, so we seek refuge from another individual. Whatever the case maybe, the moment we enter into this stage in life, we have to maintain the balance. No matter how crazily in love we are, we shouldn't let ourselves be confined behind the shadow of the other person, or be bossed around to the extent of losing our identity. When we decide to invest all that we have in a relationship, we should always make sure that the price is all worth it. Not that we are expecting things to be reciprocated, but what's the point of being into it if we can't enjoy the benefit? Really and truly I do believe there's nothing wrong in giving everything we have, it's our choice. However, leaving nothing to ourselves is not right either. Besides, once our partner leaves us, we have no one other than ourselves. Always remember, we are our only ally. Lucky to those who can stand the test of time, that, I can say is true love crafted and molded by two souls bound to be together for the rest of their lives.
NOW MOVE ON.. Don't be afraid to give up your comfort zone(your "safety net" as per my partner in crime). Easier said than done eh? Well if you start learning to love yourself more and to think of the "me" first before others, you'll realize that it isn't that hard. Learn to say no once in a while when you think its appropriate. Don't try to please everyone because you never can. You were never born to live up to anyone's expectations. Most importantly, you don't need anyone's approval, do whatever you think is right, and if it turns out the other way around, then stand on your ground.That's your decision, that's your life. Find happiness, not from someone else, find it in you. You are a wonderful creation, appreciate the beauty and power you possess. Be contented of what you have and drop the unnecessary baggage you are carrying. If you feel your other half is just another heavy load dragging you down and taking up space in your life, or worse wasting your time, let him/her go.. Be free! When it's due, new love will find its way home to you.
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