Help Me I Am Lost

sometimes i think i have done nothing right.
i kept trying my best but it's never enough..
what am i missing? what am i doing wrong?
living this life is like killing my self each and every day..
my longing for death is getting stronger..
but it scares me twice as much..

i'm tired of wearing this mask..
i am not that strong..
i am not that care-free type like what everybody sees..
i'm weak.. in my day by day life, i am suffering..
i am a prisoner of my own world.
i've been exiled and persecuted by my own self.
my mouth is shut so no one can hear my whalings..
darkness is my constant companion..
my uncertainties is infinite..
it's like looking up the horizon
and looking down to the depths of the sea..
i'm drowning myself into an abyss of melancholy
and am doing nothing to pull it over..

the more i laugh, the more i tear myself into pieces..
and before i get to patch it up,
it's shattered into smaller ones again.
life is delicate.. but mine?
i cant even call it a life anymore..

how can anyone ever enjoy living in this kind of world?
a world full of vipers hanging around.. ready to slay you anytime..
how can anyone love to love.. when in reality loving would end when it ends..
and nothing can stop that..
everybody changes.. everything changes..
because aparently. change is the only constant thing in the world..
and me? i don't think I belong to that everybody..
i'm a thing.. floating in mid air..
in between truth and lies..
in between acceptance and denial..
in between sanity and madness
in between life and death..

i finally figured out the truth about myself..
the truth that I am a lie..

insanity, i may be close to that..
but thank God i'm not giving in..
i am no ordinary.. but i'm not special..
Now I'm confused.. what am I, really?
O help me, i'm lost..