In Just One Snap... Just Like That

That feeling when you get all lively, perky, joyful, giggly, enthusiastic.. one snap.. and almost instantly, these excitements are gone. withheld.. halted.. It was like a metal on a furnace treated prematurely and plunged into a frozen sea.. It should have been forged to perfection but the end result.. a broken sword.

Our failure to recognize the real intention of our action is mostly the cause of our argument. My stubbornness, wrong choices of words and how I lack the capability to present my side of story get into your nerves. I know you try to understand but its not everyday that you are at your best. Your mood swings and you may be a little bit short tempered sometimes.. These and some other small details make the totality of our rare emotional fiasco.

Whenever we get into some disagreement, our differences become evident. But in one way or another, we are heading to the same point and that is enough to make me believe that behind all these unlikeness, we still have a lot more things in common. That I know, is what's holding us together, and... The love which brought us to where we are at right now.

(don't forget, we can only fight once every month.. that deal is still on)

What More Can I Ask For?

Sweetness of A Long Distance Lover

This long distance relationship, as how I have known, was as bad as hell, but I realized it isn't, really. Being apart gave us room to test our dedication. It made us grow and deepen the feelings and helped us learn how to handle situations out of the ordinary. We are young at heart, playful and childish in so many ways, but we are old for our ages and mature enough to see through the complexity of a lot of things. We don't really have much of a serious conversations but we have been able to talk things through when it gets rough. We understand each other, or atleast, that's what we've always been trying to do even if at times we can't. We have some contradicting ideas that has caused our once in a while disputes, but that's what complements us right? I guess..

I never wished to have a perfect relationship or a perfect partner. I don't need someone who will agree to all my ways and just say yes when it should be a no. I needed somebody who disagrees and can stand for it. Someone who can show me I'm wrong in a good way. Someone who can point out my flaws and negativities but will understand. Someone who doesn't look at me superficially but sees the beauty within. Somebody who can manage to hold my hand after the pain and tears from a fight and can still say "I love you.. regardless". And finally, a person who'll never leave my side when time comes that I don't have anything else to give.

Do I still need to continue wishing? Do I keep searching? Nah.. I have her here.. It's all right here.. I've got all I needed, I've got all I wanted.. I can't ask for more.  

My Valentine Intricacy

I'm not really good at picking out gifts, don't have a creative mind to come up with any ideas for special occassions. February, month of love, my mind is whirling badly anxious of what I can possibly do or give to my other half (especially she's miles away).

Nuninuninu.. "too late to make a personalized valentine card, it's a shame if she ends up receiving it on Easter.." (think think think.. research online).. "aha!! what about cake, cookies, sweets.. argh!! she's diabetic" (browse online for sugar-free cake/cookies delivery) "there! I found one.. "SEND SUGAR FREE CAKE ANYWHERE IN THE US - from Pakistan!" come on! seriously!? grrrr.." I was stuck, the 14th is as close as, 1+13, yeah 14 days before Valentine's day(how hard is that?) What am I gonna do now? For sure she wouldn't mind a simple "Happy Valentine's Day dear!! greeting" NO!! I want something special, it doesn't need to be the best but atleast special. O heavens I need a hand here? Kindly?" Like a flickering and nearly dying bulb, "FLOWERS" suddenly popped up..yeah! She's not a big fan of flowers.. but what the h***. I'll try my luck..

There's a lot of online florist - the hardest part is choosing which one is going to deliver what I expect a flower would be. For God knows how many more days I spent, reading blogs, checking reviews, customers comments. It seems, nearly all of them are disatisfied with the service and products they got.  It started to buffle me. Well, this is the only way. I successfully convinced my self to believe in a saying that goes "you cannot please everyone" so I continued. I am not a flower lover either but the pictures on the web were too fascinating. Just one more look, and I made up my mind.  I focused on one florist's website www.proflowers.com, still I had a humongous challenge.. "what flower should I give?". Oh, this is endless. Another day or two -flipping the webpages, downloading the pictures comparing the products.. Ok, lets get this over with! I finally placed an order for this Peruvian Lilies called 200 Blooms of Love, they're beautiful! Probem is it's just a photograph, anything can be done to make it look good (echoing in my head are the ranting disappointed customers).  Despite of all this, I took my chances. February 9th, everything is set - 200 Blooms of Love with Ruby Gathering(that's what the vase's called) to be delivered on the 13th, Monday. I've had it sent to her workplace(how I got the address? its a different story).

Delivery date, I was so excited and nervous at the same time, will my flowers find their way? Unexpected twist, she took a day off, she wasn't feeling well or was too tired after all the works last week(unfortunately she needed to work on the weekends). I almost lost my hopes. Night came, I saw a box on her bed, my spirit was lifted, the delivery was a success!! cheers to that! :) She silently and carefully unboxed it, arranged them in the vase - her smile, the smile on her face made everything worth it. My heart almost dance with gladness.

This is how it looked like out of the box

Second day, it started to bud and they're more alive.

Third, they're becoming more and more beautiful.

Fully bloomed on the fourth day.

Still blooming on its sixth.

Ninth day and it's still a beauty

This is the 200 Blooms of Love on its 11th day. Isn't it amazing?

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I really can't describe how happy I was and still am whenever I see the flowers in your room, blooming. I know in time, they will wither and you have to throw them away, but I will never forget how these flowers gave you a glow and painted a smile on your face. I am grateful that even if it's that simple, you aprreciated and loved it. I love you and thank you.
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'til the next one. :)

Love.. what a wonder

When you ask an individual "why do you love him/her" or "how do you know you love that person" you will end up getting the answer "uhm.. well.." or "I just know".. Oftentimes, you really can't get a straight answer... I too will fail if I am to be asked. Rarely(or not at all) can one describe how it feels like to be inloved.. You know its there but the moment you start putting it to words, it just never feel right. That feeling when your heart beats differently everytime you hear the name or whenever the person is near.. It's that glow in your eyes that can illuminate the whole world for seeing one single sweet smile.. its that chill and shiver (in a good way) brought by a thousand bolts of lightning when you touch.. its that warmth and comfort  when you two hug.. its the aroma of the kiss that is more intoxicating than whiskey.. its that calmness deep within that puts you in equilibrium like every piece finding its own place in a puzzle.. What an amazing and wondrous feeling.

When you find your true love, you can't see any other ray of light besides the one that leads you to this person. When you find your true love, you find your home.. your contentment.. your everything.. You'll realize that even if your life is not the best in this world, you'll feel the inner joy.. the eternal satisfaction.Once you find this soul, there is nothing you want to do but to continue living, grow old with him/her.. give all your love.. until you both shall live.

I Miss You..

          You looked so near, yet I cannot hold you. I can't feel your warmth.. I can't smell your scent.. I miss you..

          Staring at you this close on my screen without being able to embrace you torments me. But, it won't be long my love. Just another six months and you will be with me for good. We won't need to count anymore days, because everyday will become our day. For me, this time around is harder.. worse than I ever thought. But how diffucult is it to wait? I managed to make it through the first half, no reasons why I couldn't for the second. 

          Your silence is deafening. I don't know what's on your mind. Just the same, we don't really talk about our emotions.. We relay them in this manner.. chat.. text. Would you be very kind to tell me what you're thinking of? Things that bother you this very moment? You tried to smile.. but those eyes.. baby they are the window to your very soul. They project the grief and anxiety you have inside - I can see it.. :( How I wish I could do something. How I wish I could give a light to your darkened spirit.. but **SIGH** the lamp of my being isn't that bright to give you illumination. Please.. please find your self.. find your comfort and look forward to the end of this.. can you see that glow from a distance? that's the end of the tunnel.. we're almost there love.. this one year is almost over. just hold on tight.. hold my hands.. we will finish this chapter of our lives...