I Miss You..

          You looked so near, yet I cannot hold you. I can't feel your warmth.. I can't smell your scent.. I miss you..

          Staring at you this close on my screen without being able to embrace you torments me. But, it won't be long my love. Just another six months and you will be with me for good. We won't need to count anymore days, because everyday will become our day. For me, this time around is harder.. worse than I ever thought. But how diffucult is it to wait? I managed to make it through the first half, no reasons why I couldn't for the second. 

          Your silence is deafening. I don't know what's on your mind. Just the same, we don't really talk about our emotions.. We relay them in this manner.. chat.. text. Would you be very kind to tell me what you're thinking of? Things that bother you this very moment? You tried to smile.. but those eyes.. baby they are the window to your very soul. They project the grief and anxiety you have inside - I can see it.. :( How I wish I could do something. How I wish I could give a light to your darkened spirit.. but **SIGH** the lamp of my being isn't that bright to give you illumination. Please.. please find your self.. find your comfort and look forward to the end of this.. can you see that glow from a distance? that's the end of the tunnel.. we're almost there love.. this one year is almost over. just hold on tight.. hold my hands.. we will finish this chapter of our lives...

I Call Me The Blessed

          I am a plain and simple person. I don't ask much. I am contented with whatever there is. Thankful for every little thing that I find a blessing(may it be good or bad). I became older yesterday but for a consolation, you still are older than I am. And that is a fact that we will continue to live on for the rest of our lives.

          Allow me to say thank you. Thank you for making this the grandest birthday I ever had. Lucky is the word, but I would rather call me "THE BLESSED". Why? I have everything I needed.. I have everything I wanted for my special day. I know its a challenge for a family oriented  person just like you to trade special occasions - Christmas or New Year for a lesser significant one like my birthday. But that's what you did! You set aside the chance to be united with your love ones and have chosen to be with me instead. (my birthday isn't lesser significant after all)

          I couldn't thank you enough for going through all the troubles. I know you are tired,all the travels and other stuff but you didn't mind. You're supposed to be resting or be with your kins but you went the other way and gave a room for us to be together. You have no idea how wonderful it is, how great the feeling is for each moment that you're with me. Just the time alone.. ITS PRICELESS.. A gift that isn't comparable to anything. How I wish I can give you back all the joy and happiness you're giving. But I cannot. All I can do is pray and hope that God will handle it for me. Baby.. you make me feel like I'm the most blessed life-form on earth. I couldn't ask for more.. Eveything.. anything you give and do to me is a perfection.. You are the life of my life.. the breath that I breathe.. the water that sustains me. You are my world. my balance.. my infinity, my very own definition. my fulfillment.. I love you with every beat of my heart.. with all my heart... with all my soul. Please don't ever change.. Please don't ever leave me, if you possibly can?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.. :)

Hit Check... (How are we doing so far?)

We've been fearful of the day we have to part. Overly anticipating what and how it's going to be (you being away). We were clueless on how we can make it through..

It's almost 4 months, and how are we doing so far? I can say we are doing a very good job maintaining what we have (God bless the tech geniuses who made all these cyber communications possible). We talk, send messages and then talk again, every day.. We sleep on it and then talk again. Lately I have noticed, you were frequently asking if I'm getting tired of you or of what we do.. And I have the same answer to that my love... "NO". Are you? True, sometimes we don't have much of a topic for discussions anymore, you do your thing and I do mine, but having you on the othe side of the line makes me feel we're just hanging out not necessarily doing anything or talking about something in particular.. but close enough to feel your presence as if you're just beside me... like how we used to. I don't mind sitting here all day everyday until you finally come home. I don't fancy going out with friends or unwind and visit places if it's not you that I am with. You may not understand or know how it makes me feel but trully and honestly, it's becoming an obligation being with somebody that's not you. I can't enjoy anyone else's company especially when all I can think of is to get home and speak to you again. It may seem to you that I am deprived of having a normal life (I don't know what you mean though), but baby you are my life and you are giving a life to the life itself. I would want nothing more than to be with you.. spend all my time and the time after that with you. I don't have the looks, the guts or the wealth. I too am not the romantic guru type who can make you feel thrilled everytime.. and I can't offer you the world either as its not my possession. I can only give you my undying love and admiration to the best possible way I can.

People have different prospectives. Even if we complement each other and have a lot of traits in common, you may still see life, or spending life differently that I do. I don't own you, neither your life nor your time. Your heart and love is the only thing I can call my own. I'll do whatever it takes so noone can take it away from me.. Please let me keep that. I hope you won't get tired of me too. I hope you won't find me boring and repetetive. If so, please give me a hint as I don't even know what boring exactly means.

Long distance relationship really is a challenge. A lot of things may need to be set aside. Sacrifices may need to be offered. Life style may need to be changed. But above it all we should have the same goal, the same dream, the same direction. As it has been known, many failed but some people have survived. Those who succeeded had the best reward.. Its knowing that they found their one true love who is more than willing to go through hell to keep the love alive. Baby.. as early as now, I know we can make it... I know we can pull it through. I believe in you.. I trust what we have. Soon, we will meet again. Soon...

Today, a day like any other day...

(But the best day to look back to...)
Oct 30th, 2011 marks the 12 mos. of our togetherness

You are there, and I am here.. We are celebrating our event in two separate places and time.
But regardless of the distance... nothing will make me less inloved with you.. I was misplaced.. distressed.. unwhole.. disorriented.. uncontented and lost. But when I met you, the elements of the universe conspired and put me back together. Who said angels only are from heaven? I don't agree as I found mine on earth. One without wings or halo and is not dressed in white. Angel of a great beauty and heart full of kindness, baby, that was you.

Life is complex, puzzling.. obscure. One may have lived five decades or so but still a lot of things in life is a mystery. Like us, we have been together for such a long time. We've learned the most what's and how's about one another but having that said, we still have a lot of things to discover, mysteries that are yet to uncover. It's not that we are hiding anything, these are the things that even us, to ourselves, aren't known. Baby, looking back to these 12 months, never cease to give my heart joy. We've talked about it over and over.. repeated each situation and how we came to where we are now - same story, same cause and effect. Still is and will forever be a story that I won't grow tired of reminscing.

Tonight, as of this writing, I am lonely not because I am alone. I am sad because i miss u.. twice as much. But I'm trying not to.. i see no point to be. I know you are there, still loving me in spite of you being away. Thank you for the love.. thank you for being my love.. and thank you for allowing me to love you. In time, you will be with me again. In time.... This is the day.. like any other day.. but a day that was made extra special when you've stepped into my life. You are being loved by me... so much.

Ruthless...

I heard something cracked... I guess it was my heart. This is a feeling I had after watching the video of a two-year old kid ran over by two cars. Not just some ordinary cars, big ones. How can it be possible that the person driving the car was unable to see the kid when in fact, she was there even before the vehicle came close? Well maybe the driver's eyes were shut, oh or can he be blind? Sensational! Then came the passers-by. Some did not even stop to look at the kid and some threw a glance but move on to their own ways. I cannot stand the thought of the other car, well truck that passed through as if nothing or noone's lying there. Is this how it is in China? I've always been wanting to see the Great Wall but now I'm scared. Like people in that place don't care if I fell off the walls, so why bother? lol! I don't hate Chinese and I'm in no position to condemn just because of this. Maybe there is an explanation. But still, whatever reason it is, I can't find justification for it. Rock on motherf****rs!!