Deep Sigh... Its All I Can Let Out

We started alright tonight. We talked, laugh.. looked silly and stuff. What we started did not end well and I was puzzled.. We were just making fun of each other when you suddenly came up with an idea - I declined. It looked so simple, I guess? That was why you.. probably... somehow... were ticked off. Am I right, or am I just feeling guilty of what I have done, or haven't done. It felt all wrong. I hate it when you turn your back on me without saying a word. I hate it when you leave me hanging not knowing what's wrong. I hate it when I am supposed to be upset yet I become the one to be blamed. I hate it when I shouldn't be at fault but turned out to be. Sometimes.. I can't understand how simplicity becomes so complex and leads to either me hurting you, or you hurting yourself. You said we should always talk things through. You said it'll be best to fix things on that same instance, what happened now? I told you I'll do everything for you, but now its tormenting me - I seem to fail that. I know you make all possible consideration on how I would feel, but tonight, your emotions must have blinded the rationality of your thoughts. It pains me, but I can understand. I can't blame you...

A Letter From A Friend 23-Dec 2010

**Just found this while turning my things upside down.. I decided to have it be written down before it vanishes as its in scribed on a paper.. deep thanks to you too..my friend**

It's always hard to start a letter so let me get straight to the point. You always thank me for being there for you, for letting you drag me into situations, for being a friend. But I say, "Thank you!" thank you for giving me the chance to be a friend. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve the credits you're giving me. Because the truth is I should be the one giving the credits to you. Whenever things go wrong and you let me be there for you, it makes me feel good. Remember when I told you that I want to be somebody's hero??? You make me feel that way tsong. And I didn't get the chance to tell you sooner because I was too busy dealing with other nonsense things. I have so many issues within me that I sometimes neglect the thing that I have, things I'm lucky I have -- You, your friendship, your life(specially you love life, hehe). Thanks for sharing it all with me. Merely saying these words can't even validate how grateful I am. I'm sorry if I'm not giving you the same chance, maybe someday. But for now I just want to give the recognition to you. I couldn't ask for a better gify, even if its the same every year for the rest of my life. Thank you tsong! I love you! Happy Holidays!

Melancholic

Trully wonderful having your face to be the last I see before I sleep. Hearing you breathe, feeling your heartbeat, smelling your scent before the night completely consumes me. You being there gives me serenity..

As soon as we ended our conversation..I felt the deepest loneliness ever in my entire life.. Tears kept falling, I wanted it to cease but it pains even more trying to..you are nowhere near now..its tough, too darn difficult to think that I won't be with you for a long time.. you are the only reason why I am excited to wake up each day and to get off work cause it won't be long and I'd be with you again.. its for us both I know.. but mind at times is inferior to the heart.. and unlike a computer bug, this don't have fix.. or ailment of no cure.. it just is.. oh how I miss u.. like I always have that chill even during the warmest time of the day.. I'm longing for the comfort of your embrace.. the sweetness of your lips.. the touch.. that touch of your hand that assures me everything is fine.. the laugh you let out which always brightens my day.. i'm nothing without you..

Wishes, Hopes... Prayers

One.. two weeks.. its zooming.. I just can't believe its that fast. Well what can we do but to wish, hope and pray that whatever we have will remain, will stay intact no matter what.

Two days ago.. you became older. But its something to thank about because you're alive. I knew it was not a bash, you were restless and anxious, maybe because of stress, but I am still greatful that somehow, I saw a smile, the lovely smile that I always wish you wear truthfully. I can't completely describe how my heart leap everytime I see you beam at the same time shatter whenever I see that you're troubled, like my happiness is dependent on it. All I want in this life, as if its my only purpose, is to make you happy, to make everything easy for you. But now, how can I make that happen if my heart is losing its radiance. How can I possibly give you the delight when I'm in deep solitude. I've seen everything, all the possible things that proves it is happening, I still can't compose myself and be made to believe that this is really it.. that its sealed. I have been with you for eight months and each moment has been a wonder, but soon, very soon you will be away almost twice as much as we were together. I've been keeping the tears, somewhere and I hope it won't come near any sooner. I don't want to grieve because I know this is for the better. I want nothing but happy thoughts until we unite again.

I trust you like I never trusted anyone else. I will wait for you with great hopes that when you come back, we will again share the same things that we lways had.I know it wont go anywhere as we will keep it in our hearts. Please hold on tightly to our love.. don't ever let it go.

I am so deeply inlove with you... with my life.

The Rain

I have always hated the rain. It makes me sad, feeling misserable and alone. Whenever the air starts to cool down, I am certain that rain will come along and I start becoming weary. The past few months, I noticed, rain doesn't affect me that much anymore. I am thinking, I must have grown old with the feeling, or was it you that alleviated the discomfort I have whenever this condition happens. I am starting to believe that you are a magician. You make something appear or disappear in thin air. You probably could be a doctor as you always make my pains disappear. Another time I think you are a clown coz you make me laugh without reason what so ever. But one thing is for sure, you are my love - my life rolled into one who makes my existence on earth worth while. ♥♥♥♥♥